I have no time for bitches meme

Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock (or away on an island paradise somewhere, lucky you), you’ve probably caught up on the whole Les Deux Garcons (herewith called LDG) B*tch Fiasco and the ensuing fallout. No? Get in on it here and here.

Now, while calling customers b*tches may sound like social media suicide, we believe there are things that LDG could have done (and maybe could STILL do, if they were, in fact, in their right mind) to mitigate the consequences of rather foolishly relating hapless, macaron-loving fans to female canines. We may be barking up the wrong tree here (sorry, couldn’t resist), but we think acknowledging the mistake and seriously just upping the absurdity of an already ridiculous situation could very well help the brand regain some equity, even as it earns some notoriety (the good kind, if there’s such a thing) for having the chutzpah to milk it for all it’s worth.

So, without further ado, here are our Top 5 Ways LDG Can Turn a B*tch of a Situation in Its Favour.

1. Taste That, B*tch!
Come up with a range of FREE B*tch-Flavoured Macarons to be given away at special intervals throughout the day. Customers get these tauntingly tasty treats by walking up to any LDG employee and calling them, what else, a b*tch.

2. Shooting B*tches
Create a Facebook cover photo and album with various LDG employees looking sheepish and ashamed, with the heading THE REAL B*TCHES OF LDG. Extend this activity by giving out BIGGEST B*TCH OF THE MONTH awards (instead of the boring EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH stuff that usually happens) as voted by the public.

3. Now Hear This, B*tch
Take a cue from Harlem Shake; create a 30-second gangsta rap video called “Dance the Macarona, B*tch” using LDG management and staff (and hopefully some local hip-hop talent for musical integrity). Make sure the tune and lyrics are infectious, and it comes with some weird suggestive dance move that’s easily repeated and ridiculed, then post it on Youtube. Finally, take it on-ground by playing it at all LDG outlets and getting staff to sing it like an anthem at opening time, and every time a customer buys anything for birthdays.

4. You Call That B*tchy? You Don’t KNOW B*tchy!
Yeah, yeah, we know LDG said they ain’t got no time for b*tches, but what if they did? What if they just got people to moan and groan and complain and whine about the brand (and anything under the sun), then picked the b*tchiest customers and gave them a selection of the best-selling Macarons? INSTANT KARMIC REPAYMENT.

5. Meme Me, B*tch!
Finally, create a series of memes showing the most unlikely individuals – think Gandhi, Mother Teresa and Albert Einstein – saying “I have no time for b*tches”, paraphrasing the infamous offending remark. Pick the best ones and turn them into posters, postcards and other POS material to be used around the outlets for even better visibility.

We really hope LDG will pick up on these ideas, but they’ll probably try to distance themselves from the situation and attempt to put this sorry incident behind them instead. Hopefully, they’ll remember never to let their emotions get in the way of maintaining a proper, well-managed social media presence again, but the effects of this is likely to put a huge dent in their business and reputation in the short term. Now ain’t THAT a b*tch.

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