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Impending Brandpocalypse


It isn’t quite the post-apocalyptic scenario we had in mind, but the recent shutdown of the American government has had some worrying ramifications.

With 800,000 government servants unsure of when they will receive their next paycheque, anxiety is slowly creeping into the lives of the average American. WWII veterans stormed a memorial park yesterday in revolt of its closure, and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced that they have ceased their seasonal influenza program. Although this is not yet the final days, it sure is starting to look bleak for the American people.

In light of all this commotion, we can’t help but be reminded of the many things we depend on to ensure our livelihoods. Especially with our current consumer culture, brands play a major role towards who we think we are. What, then, would happen if the brands that define us shut down.

What if?

Fear not as we have come up with possible scenarios if such an occasion would occur to help you formulate a contingency plan. Let the game theory begin:

Brand: Apple
Status: SHUTDOWN
Effects:
• Hipsters lose sight of their identity, as they no longer have apple products to validate their look.
• Complimentary goods will also feel the blow; brands like Starbucks will run out of patrons whom feel the need to show off their MacBooks.
• No caffeine means no productivity.
• Economy plummets from inefficiency.
• Road traffic will pile up as Waze is now inoperable.
• Citizens unable to circumvent traffic without GPS system.
• Population will arrive late and grumpy to work only to find out they’ve been laid off due to the crisis.
• Disgruntled employees will take to the streets to take down the system.
• Factions will sprout.
• Full-blown civil war.

Brand: McDonald’s
Status: SHUTDOWN
Effects:
• Cattle farms lose business.
• Farmers forced to release surplus cattle into streets.
• Animal diseases evolve to plague human population.
• Evolved viruses create a zombie race.
• Planes crash as air traffic controllers turn into brainless zombies.
• International trade halted as stockbrokers run to the mountains.
• Russia and China blames United States for pandemic.
•  World War 3.

Brand: Google
Status: SHUTDOWN
Effects:
• Libraries are at maximum capacity.
• Students are confused by dewey decimal system.
• Plagiarism is a thing of the past.
• Books become a la mode.
• Being a postman becomes most highly lucrative job in the world.
• Population is better cultured.
• Google+ activity remains the same.
• Civilization excels into a new era of prosperity.
• Usher in Age of Aquarius.

The bright side seems to be that the government shutdown is temporary and that these scenarios are nothing but our imaginations running wild. But it does make us rethink how brands shape and define our lives, spilling into every nook and cranny of our everyday activities.

If the apocalypse were inevitable, which top 3 brands would you wish to keep alive?

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